They only gave Jasmine two chemo drugs today instead of four because she was very nauseated and dizzy yesterday from them. She had an upset stomach and was very tired today, and only able to eat a minigo yogurt and half a bowl of cheerios.
She also got RBC today (a red blood cell count to find out how many red blood cells you have) because her hemoglobin was borderline low. They transfuse when it is 80 or below, and Jasmine’s was 81.
Please continue to pray for the nausea so she will be able to rest and eat to stay strong.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1
My five year-old daughter asked me why Jasmine would have to take medicine, which usually makes people better, that would actually make her more sick? It seems completely backward, doesn’t it? In order to fight the illness, the body has to get weaker before it can get stronger.
Sometimes the process of weakness is scarier than the outcome. We fear what we will encounter on the way; the pain, the struggle, and what we will have to feel. Because the process is HARD, and sometimes we think it’s harder than we can bear. We fear getting weaker because what if we never get strong again, being completely overcome by weakness?
Jasmine receiving her Courage beads before chemo
The weight of this chemo journey is a reality, but that doesn’t mean we have to carry it all today.
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Despite everything, there were many moments of rest and reasons to celebrate today! Jasmine was given Courage beads at the hospital before her chemo started, and made a beautiful string of beads, which she displayed proudly.
Courage Beads
Our courageous warrior
Jasmine received four different types of chemo medication around noon today. She felt great for several hours and then she started feeling nauseous, an awful side effect of chemotherapy. She was given some medication for it and miraculously the medicine kicked in right away and Jasmine was able to fall asleep. She has been sleeping since!
Christine is spending the night at the hospital with Jas, and she was finally able to relax and have some much needed down time. God is gracious!
Sweet Jas will be getting weaker as the days pass, but she doesn’t have to face that all today. It’s one day at a time, and we can all find rest in God’s grace that is sufficient. When we admit we are weak and helpless, and ask for help, He is strong in us.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.'” 2 Corinthians 12:9
A horrific night was met with the beautiful hope of a new morning.
“His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:23
Some words from Christine that first morning in the hospital, “We are so impressed by the children’s hospital. The nurses are angels! And everyone has made such an effort to make Jas feel special. She got an activity bag full of cool things like a stuffed animal, colouring book and markers, a journal, puzzle, a bunch of art supplies, bath salts… it’s pretty awesome!”
Through it all, and even before this began, we have seen God’s love poured out in such specific and tangible ways. He knows how to love each of us perfectly, with words and gestures tailored for our hurting hearts. We praise Him for that!
That first morning also brought into focus the reality of what would come. Jasmine was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. The severity of the cancer will be known in two weeks from the bone marrow biopsy that was done yesterday (Monday). No matter the severity, chemotherapy is necessary, and Jasmine’s first round began today (Tuesday).
The Oncologist informed them that the chemo will be intense and it will be hard. Jasmine will receive several different chemo drugs at once, and the drugs will be administered to her for at least 10 days, followed by a recovery phase and an observation phase. She will be in the hospital for the duration of this, and may be able to come home for a few days before beginning the next round of chemo. The doctors are anticipating four rounds of chemotherapy at this point.
An early birthday gift!
There are a many devastating side effects of this treatment, and the implications of this means a few things: Jas will spend her 13th birthday in the hospital receiving chemotherapy, as her birthday is this coming Saturday, January 26th; she will have to finish out the school year in the hospital away from her friends; and her beautiful hair would fall out. (It was shaved off at her birthday party on Sunday night – post to come!)
As always, Jasmine took the news and changes with grieving but also with grace. She was able to go home to be with her family and sleep Friday night and Saturday night, only returning to the hospital during the days for antibiotics to prep for the chemotherapy.
Smiling after the procedure yesterday.
Yesterday (Monday) Jasmine was back in the hospital and put under anesthesia for the bone marrow biopsy, a lumbar puncture, and the insertion of her central line into her chest. She slept for a few hours afterward and woke up feeling only a little sore from the central line. And our warrior princess was smiling!
We know God has His hand in all of this, and we have seen the little gifts He is giving to Jas in the midst of the pain. The doctors surprised her with one last night at home before the chemo started this morning.
Bundled up and heading home for one last night before the chemo starts!
“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled or fearful.” – Jesus (John 14:27)
Earlier that day, Jasmine had gone for blood tests for some unexplained bruising she had noticed two days prior. She spent the afternoon with Gram Connie like she had many times.
Photo with Gram one hour before the phone call.
Around dinnertime, Christine received a phone call with the results from the blood work.
Critical. Urgent. Go to the hospital.
Brad and Christine brought Jasmine in right away, while Eli went to spend the night at a friend’s house. JP and Connie followed shortly behind, while Gerry was home sick.
The Adams were admitted into a room in the emergency department to meet with a doctor while Connie and JP waited in the main area. One hour later Christine burst into the waiting room, and dissolving into tears, uttered the words it’s leukemia.
No. No. No. No. No. This can’t be happening. How could this happen? Why did this happen? No. No. No. No.
In shock, Gram went in to see her granddaughter while JP called the family to tell them the horrific news. Then they all joined together in the little room to comfort Jas and hear more what the doctor had to say. They were asked an overwhelming amount of questions, and poor Jas was poked multiple times as the IV was inserted.
And surprisingly, despite the tears and shock, there were sweet moments of laughter, chocolate chip cookies, and the incoming stream of messages from people praying.
Uncle JP, Jasmine and Mom Christine enjoying comfort cookies
They admitted Jasmine to Oncology and gave her platelets because her levels were dangerously low. Christine stayed with her (Jasmine’s room has an extra bench bed) while everyone else went home. And in the wee hours of the morning, some sleep eventually came.
Everyone I knew seemed to have a word for this new year: one word that would define their year and anchor them to their path. Focus. Joy. Hustle. Thrive. Bold. Fearless. All of these words demanded action, a change, a forward motion. So imagine my surprise when the one word that would not leave my mind was, WAIT. Umm excuse me, but that couldn’t be my word for this year. I don’t like waiting, I don’t want to wait, and that word completely contradicts all of the other positive, momentous words of my friends. While the rest of the world pressed forward to achieve their goals, I would be sitting here, waiting. And waiting can seem like doing nothing.
And then the real fears swept in – why would God give me a word like WAIT? Why did I need to wait? What hard trial was around the corner that would demand I wait on God and not try to fix on my own? How painful and challenging would this season of waiting be? I postponed accepting this word, hoping that the longer I waited a new word would come. But nothing did. I had asked God to give me a word that would be what I needed in this season of life, for this year.
Just because I didn’t like the answer didn’t mean God had not given me one. So I wrote it down on paper: WAIT on the Lord. There was no going back now. And then it happened – my fears of something bad and hard happening came true. On the night of January 17th, our (almost 13 year-old) niece Jasmine was diagnosed with Leukemia, and the waiting began.
Waiting on tests to determine the type of Leukemia. Waiting on results to decide the course of treatment. Waiting on God to heal. Waiting on answers to questions that we might never know. Waiting for the sadness and fear to subside. Waiting to know how we can help because sitting here waiting is driving us crazy. This was exactly what I didn’t want, and yet here we were and we couldn’t change the circumstances. Our precious niece, the most kind, thoughtful and generous girl was sick. The girl my kids love the most, the one they look up to and try to be like, was sick. And we waited.
As we waited, we prayed, because there was nothing else to do. But as we prayed, my perspective changed. Perhaps God knew this was coming. Perhaps instead of punishing us with waiting, He was actually preparing us to be ready. Perhaps He was giving us a way to walk through this – with Him. These circumstances were coming and we couldn’t stop them. But if we have to wait anyway, waiting with God is far greater than waiting without Him. If I had chosen another word for this year instead, it would not have changed our circumstances, but I would have been less prepared to face this.
It was interesting, the reaction of people when they heard the news: we all wanted to DO something, to help, to fix, to make better. And yet there was nothing physically to be done. The only thing left was to wait. “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Ex 14:14 There is a battle to be won, but what if the war is waged not in the physical world, but in the things unseen?
Ephesians 6:10-18 gives some instruction: Be strong in the Lord (vs. 10) Put on the full armour of God (vs. 11) Stand firm with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, and feet fitted with the gospel of peace. (vs. 14-15) Take up the shield of faith (vs. 16) Take up the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit (vs. 17) And PRAY in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. (vs. 18)
Waiting does not mean doing nothing. Waiting does not mean we are not apart of the battle. Waiting means praying and asking God do the work instead of us.
And as we wait on God, we ask that you would join us in praying too, because we know He is working, we know He is healing and we know He can do far more than all we ask or imagine.
