Since finding out the news last week that Jasmine will not need a fifth round of chemo, it seemed, for me, like everything stopped. We are done (Lord willing) with chemotherapy and the suffering through atrocious side effects.
It’s like we’ve been in the trenches for the past four months, sitting in the dirt, trudging through the muck, the mud, the wet and cold; being exposed to the harsh elements and only being able to see two steps in front of us.
And this good news of no more chemo was a breath of fresh air, like coming up out of the trench for the first time in months, and having a shower. Like washing off the gunk caked on from the last four months and finally feeling clean. And it feels good. It feels so good in fact, that now I don’t want to get back into the trenches; I don’t want to get dirty again.
Jasmine was discharged from the hospital two days ago (Thursday), and her and Christine will be staying at Gram’s house for a few days while Eli recovers from chicken pox. Jasmine has come alive since being “home”!
But the fight is not over. Chemotherapy is over, but there is so much healing needed still. There is so much recovery, and for the Adams (and therefore, the army), there is a battle still going on. We’ve climbed up out of one trench, only to climb into a new one.
And the temptation for me is to hide – to avoid the battle still going on around me and cling to that feeling of being comfortable, pretending everything is fine. Or it’s to rush the recovery process, to assume that everything will instantly be restored and go back to normal.
We have a new normal now: life will not be the same and we will not be the same. Healing and new growth will take time. This new part of the journey is still scary, still unfamiliar, and will still take a whole lot of faith as God restores what was broken.
But in this new season, God is doing something new.
“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”
A new season means new unknowns, new challenges, and new ways of reliving the old pain. It also means new joys, new steps of faith, and new ways of encountering God’s presence.
It will be hard, but it will be new. And God will be with us.
“I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.”